


Secrets

by nevynovember



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, One Shot, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-05 18:30:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17924078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevynovember/pseuds/nevynovember
Summary: Four moments in time, the same question repeated. Horrible things can happen when your life is controlled by secrets.follow me on twitter @nevynovember ~





	Secrets

“Where did they go!?” echoed through the courtyard of Ansem’s castle, between two disgruntled guards pacing the grounds searching for the intruders in the midst of a getaway. Lea slid himself off the thick outer wall of the castle, hanging off it for the slightest moment before dropping seven feet to the floor; Isa repeated the steps, though less fluid and more segmented- sitting down, turning, hanging, descending-- and he stumbled to his ass as his feet hit the floor. “C’mon, c’mon, c’mon,” Lea muttered over and over as he smacked his hand against Isa’s and gripped tight, and as soon Isa got back to his feet the two kept clasped hand in hand while they darted through and out of the alley, spilling themselves frantic and sweating onto the streets of Radiant Garden.

 

It was the dark of early morning when, at last, they stopped running and slumped against the brick wall of a potion’s shop or some house. The first moments of peace since they jumped the wall and infiltrated the lab who knows how many hours prior.

“You gotta get the rhythm to the wall down,” Lea panted.

“Me? Last time you landed on your _face_.”

The two shared a hushed laugh between them, and Lea threw an arm around his closest friend. “You good?” he made sure. Isa nodded.

“Do you think she’ll be? We can’t leave her in there again.”

“You’re right. Next time, she’s comin’ with us. Somehow.”

They lowered into a seat and leaned against one another. The air was frigid, and they started to notice once the adrenaline trailed off. So Lea lit a small flame in one hand, and with the other pulled Isa into a kiss. They weren’t _out_ , not as the two of them, and it was only under the moon they felt comfy sharing moments like this.

“We should be heading back soon,” Isa muttered into Lea’s neck, “He’ll be expecting us...”

“Yeah, yeah you’re right…”

 

“Hello there!” a booming voice surrounded the two and forced them awake. Panicking, unaware, Lea stepped up in front of Isa and held up his chakrams to shield them both. “Don’t make me use these!” he barked, confused but tenacious.

Yet before him stood the boisterous and wise wizard Merlin, and not the castle guardsmen like Lea had feared. Lea’s face lit up red just as he slunk into a slouch and slid his hands in his pockets. It would’ve been smooth if his chakrams hadn’t clanged onto the street. “Oh. Hey, old man.” Nothing to see here, clearly.

The wizard held a fluttering light hovering above his palm, a display of the ease at which he commanded magic, and looked towards the children with a wise curiosity in his eyes. “Now, what could possibly possess you two troublemakers to sleep on the streets again? You know my study is always open to you, and I might say you had me worried!” He surveyed them both while they dodged any eye contact and shifted in place-- They were good liars, but Merlin was hard to fool. Then he asked the question.

_“What are you hiding?"_

Isa stood up, perfectly straight as he always did, and shared a glance with his partner. They spoke with their faces, their eyes, and agreed the redhead would take the lead this time.

“We came out here so I could show Isa my new tricks!”

Merlin tilted his head, “You left my magical abode, to do magic? At this ungodly hour of all times.”

Isa played along, actually curious if Lea had something to show, “You mean your little firelight?”

Just like that the topic was far away from any dangerous castle laboratories and the prisoners it held inside, the friends. The partners in crime shared a smirk between each other, an acknowledgment they were safe now.

“Oh, I can do way more than a little light, unlike the old coot over here. I’ve been putting in extra time!”

“Coot! Why I’d never!” huffed the wizard, more or less to play along with the child’s boasting.

“Ha! Yeah!” the redhead mocked him, his way of shaking the nerves out of his stomach, to loosen his shoulders. “And it doesn’t catch the right mood if it’s not in the dark!”

All the scrutiny in the situation was entirely focused on Lea, exactly what he wanted-- few besides him could tell when Isa was relaxed, but his best friend knew the situation was defused and wasn’t afraid anymore. _Now all I have to do is... Impress Isa… And not look like a fucking idiot._

And thus, after picking up his chakrams, Lea stepped away from the two and pulled his scarf over his nose and mouth to complete the look; he thought he looked like a badass but mostly he looked like a kid. Still, he locked his feet together, stood up straight, and raised his hands right above eye level. He looked Isa up and down-- whenever he tried to truly focus, serious-up, he found himself imitating Isa. Then he fixated on his hands, took a breath, and tried to forget people were watching.

_“Fira!”_

With the snap of a spark, a fireball erupted above Lea and lit up the whole street. Merlin’s small light spell, rendered useless, faded away in response. A swirling, crackling sphere of light and flame, and when Lea turned his hands the ball would spin in kind. The wizard was clearly impressed. He stroked his beard and giggled to himself, “A second level spell at that age! Absolutely _magnificent!_ ”

Lea beamed as big as he could. “Hell yeah, I am!” He couldn’t stop laughing until he turned to see Isa’s reaction. The young diviner’s mouth hung open in a wide smile, the orange reflecting off the blues in his hair and his eyes. Lea didn’t even know his friend’s face could move that way and lost himself at the sight; he fell silent, his legs began to shake, and the fireball burst apart into scattered embers. His reflexes kicked in and he shielded his face with his arms, like the countless times he’d already done. But when he looked again Isa was seething and covering his face.

“Shit, fuck, I’m sorry!”

“I’m fine.”

“I don’t know what I was thinking, I’m such a dumbass--”

“I’m _fine!”_

In an instant, Isa’s composure snapped back into play- a perfectly straight line, arms out to maintain his bubble. That was the standard of course, but at this moment to Lea, it could only mean cold rejection and resentment. Isa’s cheek had darkened to an ashy color, slightly red, and Lea’s stomach turned to a blender.

Merlin then finally stepped in, “Now, now, children, everyone be calm!” With a wave of his hand and a small mutter of “Cure” the red turned to pink then faded to nothing. “No need for a ruckus over such a small burn. Now. _Lea!”_

“I’m so sorry for trying Fira sir I’m such a fucking--”

“LEA.” the wizard rebuked once more, and Lea went quiet. “Your language is atrocious, you should pay respect to your words!”

Lea fluttered his eyes. “What? Oh.”

“Your magic, on the other hand, is remarkable. I’m excited to see more progress!”

Lea was speechless.

“But the both of you should get back home, the streets at night are no place for children-- and I am always happy to provide a _safer_ space for magic, Lea.”

The kids nodded, and the wizard motioned them to follow as, with a snap of the fingers, he resummoned his light. Lea was afraid to look at Isa for fear of how angry he’d be, but he whispered to him regardless, “I’m, really, really sorry, man.”

“...”

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise, I’ll-- I’ll--”

“Oh you have _got_ to stop,” he jerked Lea’s arm so they could look at each other, “It’s fine, you’re being dramatic again.” Lea only pouted and faced the floor, so Isa gripped him tight around the bicep and pulled his attention back to him. “Lea. Stop it. That was an amazing spell. I loved it.”

The words hung on an uncomfortable silence for several moments until Lea permitted himself to smile. Smile big. “Loved it?”

Isa just groaned, _“Ugh,"_   and kept his arm locked with Lea’s the rest of the way home.

 

* * *

 

“Zexion and Vexen too,” Saix affirmed, “Do you think you can do it?”

Axel shifted, scratching the scruff of his neck, “It’s an icky job, not exactly living for it. I guess they won’t be either.”

“It’ll be our only shot to put the odds in our favor.”

“And it’s gotta be Axel, crazy wild card _Axel_ to do the deed, _obviously_.”

Saix sighed, “Yes. It would only hurt my position for such scrutiny to fall on me.”

In the Castle That Never Was, every room was cold, lonely, and steeped itself in a feeling of desperation-- it suited this conversation perfectly. It suited most conversations held within its walls. Axel and Saix weren’t Lea and Isa anymore; they weren’t children anymore, and they weren’t even truly alive as far as they knew.

They gave up everything to save their friend from that castle, that horrible castle that their new home mirrored in the worst, twisted way. Now they were in their own kind of cell, and didn’t know where she was now-- All they could do was try to find her and would turn the whole Organization on its head to do it.

Xemnas was key to everything. The center of the Thirteenth Order. He brought them all together, told them what happened to them, and who they were: They had lost their hearts and become Nobodies, and could no longer feel emotions. Strange how being dead and empty didn’t stop everything from feeling so awful all the time. If Axel was as numb as everyone kept telling him, then he couldn’t feel guilty for tearing apart the group and home Xemnas had provided for each of them. That’s what he told himself, _Xemnas gave us all of this. But I don’t care. I don’t feel anything. I’m going to tear it all apart._

Then he arrived.

The door to Saix’s office drifted to a close, and there he was silver hair and all. Xemnas. Their leader peered deep into Axel, that stunning yellow glare, then to Saix. He knew Axel was frightened, and Saix, his rising lieutenant, attentive. “A little, _personal,_ correspondence I see,” he sang in his constant soliloquy.

Axel chirped up, “Nothing out of the ordinary, boss. Just picking up a mission.”

“Oh, of course,” Xemnas responded, walking closer and closer to the two of them. He stepped directly in between them. A glance to Saix and he smiled, almost as though he were proud; when he switched to face Axel, the redhead turned away in exact time. A perk of his eyebrows, he tapped Axel’s cheek, unwelcome, to coax his attention. Then he asked the question.

_“What are you hiding?"_

If Merlin was hard to lie to, Xemnas already knew everything somehow. The tiny bit of space between them held a terrifying tension that neither could afford to acknowledge. Words left unsaid, condescension and anger grasping for a body to take hold of-- or maybe a heart.

“He’s our volunteer, my liege,” Saix saved them, “For our little problem among our ranks.”

“Excellent. I can only hope our _assassin_ is not so timid at Castle Oblivion.”

Saix had taken the lead this time, made everything seem _just shy_ of normal, and Axel could naturally follow through. So he slumped back into the wall and crossed his arms, “What are you talking about, man? You know I always get the job done. I’ll be back in no time flat.” Confident Axel. Nothing to see here.

“See to it.” And that was all, and Xemnas was gone.

 

It felt like ages before they felt safe even looking at each other, but then they had that smirk. That acknowledgment they were safe now, though it only lasted a moment because Axel started crying.

“Oh, fucking  _hell,_ ” Axel cursed and rubbed at his eyes like he was trying to push the tears back in. “God damn it,” he whispered to himself for fear his voice would sound as upset as he looked.

Saix placed his hand on Axel’s shoulder and pulled his chin up to look at him, “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know? Something about him? Ugh,  _nothing_ , it’s nothing.”

“Axel, why are you--”

“I’m not!” Axel resisted, jerking Saix’s hand off of him. “I can’t even feel anything. This is just, some habit left over from my memories. Some, fucking,  _thing_ about me that doesn’t make sense.” He was lying to himself.

“Of course. Of course...” Saix nodded, but he was lying too, “ Nobodies have no heart to grieve with. However…” he reached to press his thumb against the marks beneath Axel’s eyes, “You have to remember these, and maintain control. For the mission.”

A stiff upper lip, one fierce nod and one last sniffle, and Axel calmed. He noted his partner’s now pointed ears and reached his own hand to trace the scar across Saix’s face, “I’m not gonna get you in trouble again, I promise.”

“Good,” he took the hand from his face. “Good.”

Right as Axel would pull his hand away he stopped, and his lip quivered at another inkling in his head, another thing that didn’t make sense to think. “Y’know. I don’t even remember the last time we…”

“Hm?”

He was afraid of crying again, and snapped his head away, snapped himself away from Isa. “Nothing, my bad. I should get going.”

“Hm. You should.”

Yet when he made for the door Saix caught him by the shoulder again. A small kiss on his cheek, beneath the upside-down tears. It was more awkward than anything, but it helped Axel smile. He didn’t turn back on his way out, he just said, “Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

Everything changed after Castle Oblivion. Another thing that didn’t make sense. Five of the order gone; but Nobodies have no heart to grieve with, so Axel didn’t. Then everything kept changing. Two more gone and now Axel was alone.

 

“I want out,” Axel told him. Same place, Saix’s office-- cold, lonely, desperation.

Saix didn’t dignify such a notion with a response. Stiff as a statue, he read his reports.

Axel huffed, offended at what Saix didn’t say, “I am tired, of seeing people _drop_ around here, aren’t you?”

“...”

“No, you’re not! This is what you want, huh?”

“Are you quite finished?”

“Look at me when I’m talking to you.”

“Do not waste my time with this foolishness.”

“God, DAMN IT,” he screamed, sparks of fire flared out from his hair and he clenched his hands in front of him like he was about to rip his own face off, “Listen to yourself!”

“You listen to yourself, _Axel,_ " not so much a flinch from the diviner, “You speak like a child. A reflection of your company.”

“You talk like  _him,_ you know that? You talk just like him now!”

“...”

A terrifying tension. “I can barely tell you two apart, y’know? She’s gone now, and it’s because of _you_.”

Now that got a reaction. Saix jerked up from his seat in an instant-- standing perfectly straight, of course. He wore an unforgiving scowl, as though his tight lips hid sharp, feral teeth. The one thing between the two was his writing desk, and after one fluid step up and over it there was nothing in the way. “How. Could. You.”

“Oh what, you acting like you care about her now?”

“I HAVE ALWAYS CARED.”

The sheer fury shook the room to silence, the rage stagnant in the air. Saix’s eyes were glowing like the indifferent moon, and Axel’s face twisted in confusion and fear. “You never… Wait, who are you talking about?”

“ _You_ were the one. You strayed, like an imbecile! From everything that mattered!”

“I wasn’t talking about… This wasn’t about her...”

That scar, that cursed mark etched into him, was stretching, peeling away at Saix’s face. “No. Not for you. Nooo, this is about Roxas, isn’t it? As always?”

“Saix, what’s happening to you?”

“Get out.”

_“What are you hiding? "_

“GET OUT.”

 

He expected to be dead by morning, but the next day, Axel got his next mission from the Organization. An icky job for the latest deserter. Saix never told anyone what happened. He couldn’t even remember what started it, it made the whole argument feel like a dream. It made Axel and Saix, Isa and Lea, feel like a dream. A fantasy imagined by a nobody without a heart. He’d never finish the mission, and he’d never see his partner ever again.

 

* * *

 

 

“I was sure I’d never even seen you again, and yet…”

“Here we are.” Isa finished Lea’s sentence, gesturing to the twilit living room of a quaint apartment. It wasn’t much to speak of; a futon, a television, a table in the kitchen and a bed for each of the three rooms was as much as the money had gotten Lea so far.

“It’s fuckin’ surreal! Everything I ever thought was impossible is my _life_ now.”

“I’m mostly surprised you have a job.”

“Ha! Hey!” Lea couldn’t help but laugh at himself, to share in the little chuckle Isa would spare to him.

But it was true, and Isa agreed. Gone were the heavy dark robes of the Thirteenth Order, gone were the names and roles shackled to them by Xemnas-- gone was Xemnas! Finally, put away with the help of “Saix” of all people. Though also gone were the dog days of Radiant Garden, street kids under the shadow of a mysterious castle. Now there were responsibilities, and a home, and perhaps something greater on the horizon.

A bedroom door drifted to a close, and Lea turned quickly in a startle. “Whoa, hey! I thought you were in school today!”

Xion shuffled out of her bedroom wrapped in a blanket and yawning like a sleepy zombie. “Ohhh huh. I was. I uh, I kinda needed a day, to be honest?”

Lea shrugged. “Yeah, sure. You good?” he made sure. Xion nodded.

“Hi Isa,” she grumbled on her way to a bowl of cereal.

“Uh. Hello. Xion.”

“He means good morning!” Lea chirped in, squinting at Isa as though his partner were an alien.

Xion shrugged and started pouring her breakfast. By the time she sat down, she noticed that the two were whispering to each other. “You two seem serious.”

“He’s always serious!” Lea elbowed Isa in the side.

Isa grunted, “Yes. I am always serious.”

“In any case,” Lea waved away the joke, “Is Roxas in school then?”

“Mmhm. Or skipping with Hayner, I don’t know,” she scooped a bite then pointed her spoon at them, “You’re being sneaky!”

Now he waved her away, “Oh, whatever! I’m the parent, remember?”

“C’mon!” she insisted, a little excited. Then she asked the question, _“What are you hiding?"_

Time seemed to stop dead in its tracks for Isa and Lea, who turned to each other to share some surprising new sensation between them. The question was back and they were already at that smirk, that familiar acknowledgment they were safe. They shared that security with each other too, though it was still Lea’s turn to lead.

“ISA’S MOVING IN WITH US!” he flailed his arms about in celebration and Isa turned completely red trying to stop the theatrics, shoving and prodding at Lea.

“Oh, okay!” Xion just kept eating cereal.

Isa froze up. “Is… That alright with you? You have a say, of course. You and Roxas.”

“I mean you’re here all the time anyway.”

“We’re also dating!” Lea interjected so Isa clamped his hand to Lea’s mouth.

“Xion.” Isa began again.

“Isa?”

He cleared his throat, “I’m not unaware of my part in how much you, and your friends, have suffered in the past.”

“Oh boy.”

“In particular, the awful things I had said to you when we were in the Organization…”

“Here we go,” she confided to her breakfast.

“And it would be inappropriate for me to ask to live here without…”

“It’s fine, Isa.”

“No, it isn’t. And-”

“Oh, you have _got_ to stop!” Xion put her spoon down. “That was all Xemnas, he got in all of our heads, you don’t have to guilt yourself about it.”

Isa sighed to the floor, and Lea for once kept his mouth shut. “I am still sorry.”

Xion stood up and made for her bedroom, bowl in tow, and on her way bopped Isa on the shoulder. “You helped save our lives, Isa. You’re amazing.”

“...”

Lea could only contain himself for a moment after Xion left the room. He threw his arm around his partner and snickered to him, “She’s actually a lot like you if you think about it.”

“Ugh,” he stated, like it was a word, in a parody of himself.

 

In their own space, in a warmth pure opposite of a cold street in the night or the lonely white of that castle, Isa, at last relaxed into Lea under the sunset pouring in through the window of his new home. Once more, Lea would find himself mesmerized by the orange reflecting off the blues in Isa’s hair and eyes. Isa twisted strands of red hair around his fingers, and Lea traced his own around the edges of Isa’s ears, normal and round again. His head resting upon Lea’s lap, he found himself looking up to his closest friend just as he did moments before Saix had faded away to become Isa again. A comfort unfitting for a battlefield, it was at home here, in that shared sensation they found safety in:

For the first time that either of them could remember, they had no secrets to hide.

“I love you, Isa.”

“I love you so much, Lea.”


End file.
